Healthy Shame

Healthy shame is a temporary and situational response to actions or behaviors that might violate social norms or our own moral compass. For example, we may feel healthy shame after unintentionally hurting someone, which then motivates us to apologize and correct our behavior. This form of shame serves as a guide for self-reflection, encouraging empathy and moral growth. It is experienced momentarily and can dissipate once we address the behavior and restore relationships.

Toxic Shame

Toxic shame, however, is a deep-seated sense of worthlessness, inadequacy, or defectiveness, often rooted in prolonged experiences of abuse, neglect, or harsh criticism. Unlike healthy shame, toxic shame isn’t just about feeling bad for a specific behavior; instead, it permeates one’s identity, making individuals feel inherently flawed. People with toxic shame may believe they are "bad" rather than having done something "bad," which can become internalized and entrenched within the body.

In toxic shame, the body reacts to the constant internal narrative of self-reproach. These reactions may manifest as chronic tension, a closed-off posture, or a persistent feeling of shrinking inward. Over time, this kind of shame can become embedded, leading to physical symptoms such as muscle tightness, digestive issues, or even changes in breathing patterns.

Releasing Toxic Shame Through Somatic Practices

The process of releasing toxic shame requires a mindful, compassionate approach, as toxic shame tends to be deeply rooted in both the body and mind. Here’s how somatic practices, especially those focused on awareness and gentle self-inquiry, can assist in gradually releasing toxic shame:

1. Creating Safety: Somatic practice begins with establishing a sense of safety, crucial for individuals who have experienced trauma or abuse. Visualization exercises, like envisioning a blank screen to project memories onto, can help create a controlled, safe environment for facing and processing difficult emotions without re-traumatizing the body.
2. Gaining Distance: By projecting a memory associated with shame onto an imaginary screen, individuals can separate themselves from the intense feelings of toxic shame, recognizing that these memories do not define their worth or identity.
3. Body Awareness and Self-Compassion: Toxic shame can make individuals avoid their own bodies or feel disconnected from their sensations. Somatic practices encourage a reconnection with bodily sensations, allowing individuals to feel and accept these sensations without judgment. For example, bringing hands toward oneself while focusing on internal sensations invites self-compassion, a powerful antidote to the harsh self-criticism toxic shame often breeds.
4. Differentiating the Past from the Present: Recognizing that shame-triggering events belong to the past helps individuals establish a boundary between then and now. By distinguishing past traumas from the present moment, they reduce the power these memories hold over their current state.
5. Practicing Control and Choice: Toxic shame can make people feel powerless, trapped in a cycle of self-judgment. Somatic exercises, like Dr. Lyons’ guided practice, encourage self-inquiry into what elements of a situation are within one’s control. This practice of control and choice can restore a sense of agency, helping individuals release the internalized belief of being inherently flawed.
6. Connecting and Normalizing: Toxic shame is isolating, often making individuals feel alone in their experiences. Observing the somatic cues of others or joining group somatic practices can normalize these feelings, showing that shame is a shared human experience. This shared understanding fosters empathy and reduces the isolating effects of toxic shame.

Moving Forward with Somatic Healing

The journey of releasing toxic shame is gradual, as this deep-seated shame requires patience, compassion, and consistent practice. Somatic methods empower individuals to reclaim their bodies and self-worth, grounding them in the present and allowing them to slowly dismantle the harmful beliefs and patterns toxic shame has instilled. By engaging with the body, differentiating past from present, and nurturing self-compassion, individuals can heal, moving toward a healthier, more liberated sense of self.

This nuanced approach helps transform shame from an emotion that imprisons into one that, when understood and managed, can become a gateway to greater self-acceptance and resilience

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